Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Kind of like a mom

Mother’s day is coming up.
This is a weird time for me; Biologically, I am no one’s mother and legally, I’m not even a step-mother. But there is a tall, thin, six-going-on-seven year old that I have loved like a daughter for almost 2 years now.

I am sure I will help her make Mother’s Day gifts for her BM like I did last year and that is fine. I don’t mind but I am not going to lie, it’s been hard. Very hard.

Being stuck in the “I’m-just-her-Dad’s-fiancé” title is bittersweet. I love that I am A’s fiancé (I have never been one before!) but sometimes being in this spot makes me feel a bit like a poseur. I am not sure where I fit in, what I am and am not allowed to do or where I am welcome. Some days I can handle it and some days I get angry or cry.

D invited me to have lunch with her at school yesterday. I felt so good that she wanted me there but I was very nervous. Would the school let me have lunch with her?
Would the “real” mommies treat me differently? Would D’s BM show up too?

It turns out I was worried over nothing. The front office didn’t care who I was or who I was there to see (a bit unsettling I might add) and we got to sit at table with D’s bestie and her dad. I introduced myself to him as:
”I’m-her-Dad’s- fiancé-soon-to-be-step-mom” and D piped up with, “I get to have two Mommies!!” It made me feel good.

Later that evening we were in a convenience store where they had a bunch of Mother’s Day stuff out. D made the comment that I am, “Kind of like a mom”. Yep, I kind of am.

I don’t expect anything for Mother’s Day so I won’t be hurt if I don’t receive anything.
I just hope that I can figure out my place in this blended family and will be a good step-mom to D. I would also love to be a “real” mom someday too…

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