Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I miss you Dad

Dad was a handsome young man

It’s been 5 years since my Daddy passed away on St. Patrick’s Day. I will never forget the phone call I received from my Mom asking me to come home right away, that there wasn’t much time. I didn’t make it. I couldn’t drive fast enough. The look of his skinny body consumed by cancer, lying on the hospital bed in our living room will be etched in my mind forever.

This isn’t how I want to remember him. I don’t like knowing that he gave up. There was so much to live for. We could have tried harder, taken him to specialists… none of this happened and I don’t know why.

For the longest time I hated living in Arkansas. I associated this place with my Dad’s death. It’s almost like Arkansas took him from me.

My folks moved out here to retire. It made sense; they wanted to get away from the city. My dad couldn’t wait to start fishing.

The move was good in other ways as well. Dad finally started to get into church (Mom has always been really involved). He took a big part in the remodel of their church (he was an amazing contractor) and he took a few misguided teens under his wing.

Then the lung cancer came. He had been smoke free for over 11 years!
I was still in California at the time. I dropped everything (nice rental, good paying job & boyfriend) and moved to Podunk Arkansas. I helped my mom take care of him. I was there though the hallucinations caused by the morphine. I helped change him when he couldn’t turn over on his own. There is nothing more heart wrenching then watching a once big and strong man, a man I loved with all of my heart, wither away.

I was so bitter for so long. A part of me still is. He doesn’t get to walk me down the isle and I can’t ask his advice for the remodeling A and I want to do. And no matter how much I loved him, My Uncle L lost his brother and best friend and I don’t want to imagine how much my Mom hurts having lost the love of her life.

I know this is post is a downer but I had to get this all out of me.

I do know he is in Heaven and this all happened for a reason. Had I not come to Arkansas, I would have never met the love of my life and the bond between my Mom and I is stronger than ever.

I will always miss his big bear hugs, sarcasm, wonderful signing voice, supper yummy chili and his grouchiness the most.

I also know that I will get to see him again one day.

I love you Daddy! You will always be my Huckleberry!



Dad and Mom in Branson, MO.



Silly dancing


Gone Fishin'


I just realized my Mom has all the great family photos. I am going to have to raid her albums...

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