Thursday, December 4, 2008

In my head

I am a thinker, a planner and a worrier.
I am always thinking, planning or worrying about something.
It causes me to have anxiety, nightmares and stomach pains.
I don’t get a good nights rest and I have bloody nubs for fingers.
All of this is very mentally and physically exhausting to me.

I will think, plan and/or worry about things that haven’t even happened and may not happen. “What if it does happen?” I think to myself, “I need to be prepared!” and I go over any possible outcome.

I do this with the simplest things. At breakfast I think about what we have for lunch and at lunch I worry about what to make for dinner. It is very hard for me to relax and just be in the moment and truly enjoy anything.

And Heaven forbid my plans get changed or things don’t turn out as planned. I nearly have a nervous breakdown even if things can easily be fixed. I feel like I am a huge wound up jack-in-the-box ready to pop at any time and that my life is slipping by because I can’t just stop and breathe.

If I step back and evaluate things, I really have nothing to stress over.
I am healthy (aside from being overweight), have a caring family, have an amazing boyfriend, I own my own home and have two jobs. I am very much on the fortunate side. So, why can’t I just let myself be happy?

How do I make it stop?


On a much happier note;
I can’t believe I forgot to tell you, R was proposed to during her birthday weekend!! I am thrilled for her. I guess we won’t be the crotchety old spinsters living together with 100 cats we always thought we would be! R, no matter what, you will always be the Quiser to my Clairee.


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